September Sickness

I am so unwell, I hurt in all of my body, I have a cough that people four floors below my flat can hear and I have been sick. I hate being ill, always have, even when I was little. 

I have been asleep most of the last two days, and I have had to take time off of work which feels like a criminal offence to me. Bless Jed, he has been so wonderful, making me tea, buying me medicine and generally looking after me. He has been so patient, as I'm sure I've kept him up all night with my various symptoms, yet he has not complained once. When I have been awake, I have been watching crappy movies and eating cookies. I have also had a huge amount of time to think about how lucky I am and how privileged I am to be in a place where when I am ill, I am able to look after myself and have others look after me. I have also been thinking about why I am so ill, and if I am honest I think it is my own doing. 

Work has been incredibly stressful lately, I have gone through some really tough patches and some big changes have made everything so much more difficult than it needs to be. I have taken all of it so hard, and let it get to me. I know so many people say that you should leave work at work and not let it affect you. That advice is complete bullshit. I know I am not alone in feeling like I have to do everything perfectly, otherwise the world will cave in. The pressure that work can put on you to perform at 100% all of the time is insane, and doesn't allow for human behaviours. 

By human behaviours I mean things like, illnesses, having a bad day or just generally making a mistake. I know that this can massively impact on mental and physical health and I think that over exertion can be really dangerous. I am not saying that we shouldn't work hard, but simply take time to remember that our failure does not define us and that sometimes we have to take a day to look after ourselves. Which is something I am trying to teach myself these days, that I am allowed to be ill and that I am allowed to take some time for me. 

So now, I am going to tuck myself back under my duvet and sleep some more, so I can look after myself.